"Ad Astra Per Aspera Et Terram" (To the stars through difficulties and dirt)
Base: Bunker 42, Sector 7G | Comm-Link: 555-WORM | Net-Mail: director@subastro.edu
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Department of Subterranean Astrophysics "Ad Astra Per Aspera Et Terram" (To the stars through difficulties and dirt) Base: Bunker 42, Sector 7G | Comm-Link: 555-WORM | Net-Mail: director@subastro.edu |
The following reports have been declassified by order of Dr. Thorne after the statute of limitations on grand temporal larceny expired.
INCIDENT REPORT #74-ADATE: October 12, 1974 DETAILS: At approximately 0800 hours, an attempt was made to synthesize Dark Matter Paste using the breakroom Mr. Coffee machine. Due to a calibration error in the Tachyon dial (somebody bumped it with their elbow), the coffee grounds entered a state of quantum superposition. The resulting liquid was simultaneously scalding hot and freezing cold. When Intern Dave (prior to his disappearance) attempted to drink it, he spoke entirely in backwards Sumerian for three hours. The coffee machine has since been encased in concrete. |
INCIDENT REPORT #76-BDATE: July 4, 1976 DETAILS: During the Bicentennial celebrations on the surface, fireworks caused massive localized interference with the Earth's magnetic field. This interference cascaded into Bunker 42, striking Specimen 42. The worm began to levitate precisely 4.2 inches off the desk, humming the tune to 'Yankee Doodle' through localized air pressure manipulation. We attempted to weigh the worm, but the scales registered negative 14 pounds. The event ended when Timmy accidentally dropped a heavy textbook on the desk, startling the worm and returning it to normal mass. |
INCIDENT REPORT #77-CDATE: March 15, 1977 DETAILS: I went out to dig up some more glowing dirt by the old oak tree. The fiberglass pancake spatula got stuck on a root. When I pulled it, it zapped me. For the next two days, the spatula would slowly drag itself across the lab floor towards the nearest electrical outlet whenever nobody was looking. My dad says it's just 'residual electrostatic tachyon buildup', but I saw it try to plug itself in. I refuse to dig with it unless wearing double rubber gloves. |
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